What Do You Do

What do you do when you're alone in your thoughts
Alone, lost and afraid
Silent on the outside
Raging on the inside
Feeling abandoned and separate
Disconnected and awkward
Feeling everything so deeply
What do you do

On Being Tiny

I was born a tiny girl with GIANT eyes....

I was shy and tiny and insignificant in primary school - hiding in the bathroom to avoid others; teachers and my parents explaining on my behalf I was too shy or too little....

I was challenged with being too tiny to the point where my parents took me to the doctor because they thought I wasn't gaining weight - made to drink a horrible brown tonic to stimulate my appetite....

I was asked/told in high school - "wow are you ever tiny", "you eat like a bird", "do you ever eat anything", "I wish I could be as tiny as you"....

In university I was SO conscious of being tiny that I forfeited meals to stay "tiny" because I internalized "tiny" as my way of living life .....

In the workplace because I was "tiny" and had sense of humour; people discounted my work or I wasn't given opportunities because they thought I wasn't capable or ditzy....

And yes, I am now the "tiniest" member of my family (other than the cat) BUT I have found my voice ....

And now, I work with the "tiniest" people on this planet helping empower them and give them their voice - our Children ....

What I Learned in 2011

Yep I know it's a couple of weeks away but I thought since I have clarity of thought right at THIS moment, I would get it all down :)

1. Giving up alcohol through choice has been an easy 9 months thus far.
2. Throwing something out to the Universe is hopeful but releasing something to the Universe results in nothing short of spectacular.
3. My Kids are 2 of the most spectacular young people that I know - independent, smart, brainy and are totally rocking this planet.
4. Working with Children is THE MOST fulfilling, fantastic, empowering work one can ever do and I am honoured to be part of it.
5. Letting go of ego-based living results in happiness.
6. I am the happiest I have ever been.
7. I L-O-V-E myself exactly the way I am at this exact moment in time.
8. There is no past, present and future - there is only now.
9. The only limitations in life are those I place on myself.
10. There are SO many amazing Lovelies that I have met this past year that I am honoured to know.

Vivre Sans Alcohol

On a spring day in March of 2011 I was sitting at my desk when a thought simply popped into my head - it is time - time to give up alcohol - for a year. Now for most people when a thought arrives in the inbox of their mind, they are inclined to ignore it. For me, this year is all about paying attention to the messages and go with my intuition or gut feelings.

When I announced my plans on Twitter I had several DM's (direct messages) from people asking if I had a drinking problem, some people thought I was so brave and others implied I had lost my marbles ;) and for others, I have inspired them to do the same.

So here are my reasons for giving up alcohol for one year:

1. I received a message to do so
2. It is UBER important to have a completely sober mind now that I am working with Children who are the epitome of sobriety
3. It has propelled my Life Coaching in new directions where I am now getting messages for them (which is why there is often crying during one of my sessions - we have tapped into the core of who they are)

And then something incredible happened! I picked up a book on Mother's Day this year by Deepak Chopra and bought it (must admit it was because of the book jacket design) titled "The Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desire - Harnessing the Infinite Power of Coincidence". I read a passage that expressed exactly my purpose, my intention for leaving alcohol behind.

"Mature spirituality requires sobriety of awareness. If you are sober, you are responsive to feedback but at the same time immune to criticism and flattery. You learn to let go and you do not worry about the result. You have confidence in the outcome, and you start to see the synchronicity that is always organized around you. Intention provides opportunities that you have to be alert to. Good luck is opportunity and preparedness coming together. Intention will provide you with opportunities, but you need to act when the opportunity is provided."

I do hope you enjoyed this post!

xxxooo

Laurel

48 Years - Ode To My Life

Remembering My Life

Age 1 - Being held in my Mother's arms - Kennedy's death November 1963
Age 2 - My pink bedroom - crib with a toy box underneath
Age 3 - Chatting with my 2 Soldier Friends - "Bumper Jack" (John) and "Gingerale" (Will)
Age 4 - Playing airplanes with my super cute IRL Friend - John and moving to Burlington
Age 5 - Meeting my BFF Jessica and KINDERGARTEN!
Age 6 - Grade 1 and reading so much and so well attended a special program for gifted readers
Age 7 - My first kiss - not MY idea - Joey Durst kissed me at indoor recess - mortified!
Age 8 - Teacher yelled at our class - I believed it was ALL my fault

Age 9 - Separated from my BFF for the first time - HATED it!

Age 10 - Met my FAVE teacher Ms. Schwenger - split class - independent learning - YES!

Age 11 - Same FAVE teacher - went to her house for the day with 3 of my BFF's

Age 12 - Stepped onto a stage for the first time - I WAS HOME!! Played Huckleberry Finn

Age 13 - Blechhh - new school, felt ugly, small

Age 14 - Blechh - same school, felt ugly, small and pimply, but THEATRE saved me!

Age 15 - Grade 9 - felt, shy and insignificant

Age 16 - Decided to open my mouth and speak through the blushing - haven't stopped since

Age 17 - Met my now husband at a party - he drove me home in his brand new, black 1980 Camaro - he was CUTE!!!

Age 18 - Final year of high school - I wanted to become a pre-school teacher - told I HAD to go to University

Age 19 - LEGAL to partay!! Off to Brock for my Child Studies Degree. Got engaged to BF Dave - eek my poor parents!

Age 20 - LOVED socializing at Brock - the education part - not so much :)

Age 21 - Final year at school - had to makeup up a lost credit - Teacher's College here I come!

Age 22 - No Teacher's College - depressed and anxious - all I wanted was to work with Children - grades not good enough = me not good enough to work with kids

Age 23 - Split with first major Boyfriend (now hubby) :(

Age 24 - New punk rocker boyfriend - went out to clubs - he was ALWAYS late! grrr

Age 25 - Worked in a "million" different jobs - didn't stay long

Age 26 - Split with punker boyfriend - bored with him

Age 27 - Worked for parents moving company - made oodles of cash - REALLY good at it! New boyfriend - BFF's cousin-in-law

Age 28 - Revving my engines in the driveway - what the hell is life really about?!?!?!

Age 29 - Ta Da!! In walked my BF from age 17 - "needed" to talk to me! Ended creepy relationship with boyfriend - verbally abusive to me - lost ALL my confidence!

Age 30 - Married my BF Davey - had the SAME engagement ring from when I was 19!

Age 31 - Discovered Adult Education as a field never pursued - LOVED IT!!

Age 32 - Baby Girl was born - ROCKED my world in so many ways - we were both super sick - not sure I was ever going to have any more children.

Age 33 - Went back to work as an Adult Educator working on contract for Aboriginal JobsOntario - learned about Mind, Body, Spirit and the connectivity between. Started working for Sheridan College as a part-time Continuing Education Instructor

Age 34 - Started my own Business Crossley-Byers & Associates - Coaching clients on their job search

Age 35 - Watched an episode of Arthur with my Baby Girl and knew I had to have another......

Age 36 - Had Baby Boy - he was fast and furious - we moved lock, stock and barrel back to Burlington from Milton when he was 3 weeks old - felt SO isolated there

Age 37 - Hubby struggled to find work doing something he loved so I went back to work when Baby Boy was under a year

Age 38 - SO sick with Hypothyroidism - Doctor lectured me on taking care of me!

Age 39 - Lost, frustrated, alone as hubby back to working in film and television - all alone with two kids as a single parent. Went back to school to get my Adult Teaching Certificate through Sheridan

Age 40 - Decided to hell with it and took 6 months to re-create my body - got back down to a size 6 through eating properly, working out with weights and running - felt AMAZING!!

Age 41 - Fell off the health wagon as I tried to balance working and completing my Adult Education Certificate

Age 42 - Started Opti-Mom while battling severe Mastitis (and not because I was breastfeeding) - had to have surgery and home care for 8 weeks post surgery. Bed ridden for most of the year due to pain - fell completely off track with my health

Age 43 - Started a walking program with my buddy Starr who originally started with me (we are still walking every day to date!)

Age 44 - Life beginning to ramp up with Speaking via Opti-Mom - so FEW supports for Moms - welcomed everywhere.

Age 45 - My Mentor, Friend and Coach, Sandi passed away suddenly due to Cancer - she instructed me to continue supporting Women Mind, Body and Spirit in honour of her not being aware of her own health and to live each day as if it were your last

Age 46 - Life crashed around me as I tried to figure out my Path - not sure what everything meant any longer

Age 47 - Quit my long-time job at Sheridan College - it no longer fuelled my teaching. Had a reading that corroborated my "ghostly" soldier visits affirming who they were and what they said to me, confirmed that which was inside of me - the NEED to work with children which was such an integral part of my core self

Age 48 - Realized that I had allowed external forces to dictate how my Life should go - let go of that to begin working with children (especially those that are deemed different - see things, feel things, shy, anxious, feeling disconnected).

So there you go..... 48 years in a nutshell!

xxxooo

Laurel

Grown Up

Easter weekend. I am reminded once again that I no longer have "babies".

I remember them squealing with delight searching for eggs filled with "treasure" and our delight at watching them.

Now the only squeals we hear are when they achieve a new level in their video games or accomplish a new skateboard trick.

It is such a bittersweet journey that of parenting - we want them to grow, flourish and leave the nest confident young people.

But there is still that yearning for those sleepless nights, squeals of delight and daily requirement of hugs.

They are all grown up.

Everyone Needs An Angel

There are times in our lives

When we feel incomplete

Or we don't understand

And we long and we ache

When life is too much

Full of sadness and pain

And it's just at this moment

When an Angel appears

Everyone Needs An Angel